


Fun-Sized

by Zakani_Donovan



Series: Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots) [6]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crack Fic, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Cute, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Shapeshifting, Silly, Would this count as slapstick? I have no idea, good omens - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:21:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zakani_Donovan/pseuds/Zakani_Donovan
Summary: As we all know, Crowley can shrink and travel through phone lines. So, what if he didn’t get *that* small and decided to do some other stuff to pass the time or simply because he could?
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800655
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Fun-Sized

**Author's Note:**

> Context: Inspired by peazecatch's smol Aziraphale and smol Crowley comics on Instagram. Size-based scenarios/snippets (not like that, you dirty-minded bastards). They can be whatever size they like in this AU at will, not much thinking or energy required for it. Unlike the artist's canon AU though, they can speak to each other normally no matter their size or what shape they are.

Before you begin: [Look at these tiny boys.](https://www.instagram.com/p/B0y01vDhpUA/?igshid=83c8uiqqnlf4)

  
"Crowley, dear? Where are you?" Asked Aziraphale, seconds after waking up. It was strange whenever he woke up alone these days, he always expected a certain demon to be clinging onto him and begging him to stay in bed.

The angel sat up, stretching. As his hands came down to sooth his top like always, he felt a lump over the pajama's breast-pocket. His brow furrowed before looking down and pulling it open to see whatever was causing that lump. A tiny black snake shivered as soon as the cold air made its way into the fabric. If he had eyebrows or eyelids, it'd be easy to tell that the itty-bitty reptile was quite miffed.

"There you are, darling!" He gently scooped him out of his pocket and held him in cupped hands.

The snake nuzzled into the angel's palms angrily, then rolled over dramatically onto his back. "Angelllllll..." He whined.

Aziraphale held back a laugh. "Come now, we both know you wouldn't be this cold if you wore warmer pajamas instead of the flimsy silk ones you like so much. Not to mention when you sleep nude. It's still winter, my love. Quite frankly, you're asking for it." Scolded the angel.

Crowley rolled his eyes, which looked particularly amusing in this form and this size.

"Please return to your normal size if you wish to stay in snake form. The last thing I need is to step on you while cleaning up around here. You remember what happened with the vacuum last time."

That final remark earned him a hiss from the demon, who obeyed, even in protest. Aziraphale laughed before leaving the bedroom to go about his day.

~~~~~

"Y'know something angel? I've been wondering..." Started the demon, staring at the wine swirling in his glass.

Aziraphale plucked a small piece of cheese from a grape and cheese platter on the coffee-table and popped it into his mouth. "What, my dear?"

"We can handle our alcohol pretty well. Can control it more than humans, obviously." He added.

"Obviously." Agreed the angel.

Crowley sipped from his drink before continuing. "And with humans, sometimes that comes down to how big their bodies are, correct?"

"Yes, or so I've heard." He said, turning to face Crowley, wondering where this was going.

The demon held up his glass for emphasis. "So, how much more buzzed would we feel if we were the size of a golfball?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Heavens, no! That's the point! It's an awful idea, but it could make for a good time. For a bit, anyway. Care to join me?" He asked, eyebrow raised and wineglass tilted his way.

Aziraphale grimaced at the thought before choosing another piece of cheese. "No thank you, darling. One of us should stay lucid during this little experiment of yours. You go ahead and have fun." Insisted the principality.

And fun he did have.

As soon as he shrunk down to the size of a mouse, Crowley's buzz rose. The room was spinning for him but it wasn't nauseating. He actually found it quite entertaining at first. Flying around was especially giggle-inducing, minus the bumping-into-things part.

Then the really interesting bit came along. The postman dropped off a wad of letters at the door, all replies from other book collectors no doubt, maybe a bill or two. They only made it in halfway through the mail-slot. Crowley thought it'd be an excellent idea to get his angel's correspondence for him and being a helpful little demon to him. He always liked that. So, he climbed up to the opening and tried pulling the letters. When that didn't work, he figured pushing them would suffice. Thanks to this, he ended up tumbling outside through the mail-slot and slipping on the wet pavement in front of the bookshop. In his drunken state, he forgot he could sober up or actually change back to his normal form, and that is how he ended up being chased into the nearest alleyway by a pair of cats.

His screaming (thankfully still loud enough despite his size) is what alerted Aziraphale of his whereabouts, since he was wondering where he had gone off to, and prompted the angel to save him by shooing away the stray felines. He even miracle'd them some food at the other end of the street so they'd stay away from the shop. The last thing he needed was a cat trying to eat his boyfriend because he decided to be small. Oh yes, Crowley would **never** hear the end of **this** one. Needless to say, the demon never touched another drop of booze while in any corporation that wasn't his usual human-sized one.

~~~~~

"Come on, angel. I have an idea!" Said the demon suddenly, shrinking down to the size of an acorn and flying into the plant room of his flat.

Aziraphale refrained from changing in stature, but followed him nonetheless. "Will you at least tell me what you have planned?"

"Just go with it!" Urged the redhead, landing on the angel's shoulders and tugging at his ear.

Crowley dragged him ('lead' him would be more accurate, since there was no way he could be **that** strong while **that** small) to a far corner of the room. Immediately, Aziraphale's eyes caught something new in his peripheral vision.

There was a small fountain imbedded into the lush leaves of one of his plants. The water trickled down the fake stone steps of the water feature. The angel wasn't paying attention to Crowley and was slightly alarmed when he smelled smoke. To his surprise, the demon had moved two scented candles near the fountain (far away enough from the leaves, since a fire breaking out was to be avoided at all costs), and lit them with a match which was about as tall as he was.

Crowley then snapped his fingers and his regular clothes were swapped out for a pair of black swim trunks. He dove into the deeper part of the fountain. "Come on in, angel. Water's nice!" He exclaimed happily, splashing around.

Aziraphale chuckled at the sight, thinking it was quite cute. With a quick roll of the eyes, he went along with his other half, changing in both size and outfit. Instead of swim trunks like Crowley, the angel wore a white one-piece swimsuit which reached his thighs and upper arms.

"Why am I not surprised **that's** what you'd decide to wear?" Asked the demon with a smile.

Aziraphale ignored the comment and joined him. "So, what exactly did you have in mind with this?"

Crowley shrugged, floating closer to him. "Well, I told you I'd try getting you to relax one of these days, right? You're so fussy, I know you wouldn't want anyone else pampering you. So, why not do it myself? Limited miracles, of course. Don't need management popping by."

The angel hummed in agreement. With that, the demon cuddled up to the principality, started sweet talking him, massaging him, and most ironically, he fell asleep before Aziraphale was even halfway as relaxed as he was.

~~~~~

While visiting Anathema to discuss some of Agnes' prophecies on a warm spring afternoon one day, Crowley was whisked away by Adam and the gang in hopes of having a more entertaining time. Considering the topic of conversation was a good one, it took a while for the principality to start missing his demon's presence. A few hours passed before Anathema and Aziraphale were dragged out of Jasmine Cottage by the children.

"Mr. Aziraphale, we can't find Mr. Crowley anywhere! Can you help us?" Asked Wensleydale.

Firstly, Aziraphale looked at the group and wondered why there were five children instead of four, like last time. Adam seemed to notice this and explained, gesturing to the much smaller girl who was hiding behind Pepper. "Pepper's little sister wanted to play hide-and-seek. We thought Crowley would make it more fun but we haven't seen him since the game started! And we know he's around here somewhere because the Bentley's still parked out on the road and he wouldn't leave you here without a ride."

Aziraphale heard Pepper mumble something under her breath that resembled: "He'd be sleeping on the couch if he did **that**." Which, while true, was none of their business, especially not at this age. So, he ignored the comment and turned towards Adam.

"Adam's powers aren't helping either!" Added Brian before they even suggested it.

Well, there went that idea. With a frown, the angel tried focusing all his energy into searching for his favorite demon. Usually, sensing him was quite the easy task. His aura was so specific, there was no way to confuse it for someone else's. He observed their surroundings, trying to find some clues.

Aziraphale wandered around the garden feeling for Crowley, wisps of his angelic powers protruding from his fingertips. There was a trail of demonic energy, faint but still enough to track. So he does. This lead him, along with all the children and Anathema, a few houses down the road.

They were all calling out for the demon, hoping to get a response. Unfortunately, the only response they got was from a very angry R. P. Tyler, who insisted their yelling was ruining his peace and quiet. Mere moments later, they heard the same man screeching in fear in his backyard.

The group ran to investigate and they found the old man on the ground, cowering in fear, pointing at the nearest tree. An apple tree. An apple tree with one particularly black and scaly branch. The angel huffed at the realization. No wonder he couldn't accurately sense him, he was searching for his human corporation laced with demonic aura, not his snake form! And now, here he was, easily ten feet long and very nearly scaring some poor bastard to death.

"There you are, you little fiend!" Scolded the blond as he made his way over to the trunk.

The old man could be heard stammering behind him. "Wh- you- ah. **Little**?! Young man, don't get any closer, that beast will swallow you whole!"

Azirpahale could have sworn he saw Crowley grin at that comment. The angel glared at him, as if telling him to keep his mouth shut. "He will do no such thing!" With that, he gently gripped the serpent and pulled him down from the tree.

R. P. Tyler watched in horror as Crowley wrapped his body around Aziraphale and stared at him with those incredibly thin slits he had for pupils. He even hissed at him. The children found it amusing, as did Anathema, but she did a better job at hiding it. The Them were snickering loudly at the old man's fear, not caring about his feelings.

"Worry not, Mr. Tyler. He'll stay away from your garden. Isn't that right, you little devil?"

Another hiss from Crowley, along with a small lunge which made R. P. Tyler jump back. Aziraphale tightened his grip on the snake's coils and rolled his eyes. "Oh, hush." After hiking up the serpent a bit more, the angel bid the neighborhood-watch member goodbye. R. P. Tyler couldn't have been more terrified or confused if he tried but he decided to focus all his energy into trying to get up and off from the ground.

The group made their way back to Jasmine Cottage, still laughing at what had happened only moments ago.

"Darling, why were you in Mr. Tyler's garden? You were supposed to be playing with the children. And staying out of trouble, might I add."

"Yes, we were worried!" Wensleydale exclaimed honestly.

Crowley would've smiled properly if he could have in this body. "You guys never found me! I was sitting on the ceramic mushroom in between the two garden gnomes the whole time! Y'know, around the back corner of the house? Why do you think Dog kept popping by there? Little bastard was ratting me out!"

"I thought he was messing with the big, ginger cat from next-door again. Didn't pay him any mind." Admitted Adam.

The demon almost took offense to that, 'almost' being the key word there. "Ginger? Yes. Cat? No. Anyway, I got bored and flew around until I found something interesting."

Anathema grinned at the two entities. "An apple tree. Were you feeling a temptation coming on? Feeling nostalgic?" She asked, teasingly.

The demon shook his head. "Nah, I just really like the smell. Big coincidence, that."

"Then you can plant your own tree somewhere in your flat or my bookshop. I'll even bless it so it's fruitful year-round, if it'll make you stop messing with innocent people. We're retired, my dear. Neither one of us needs to send souls Downstairs or Up anymore." Said the principality, setting him down on the Bentley's hood.

In an instant, the snake turned into that familiar lanky figure the humans were used to see him in. He was even posing on top of the vehicle like a certain shirtless chaotician. However, this positional-reference was lost on the blond. "Come on, angel. I wasn't **actually** gonna frighten him to death! Maybe a little bit of pants-wetting at most."

"We probably wouldn't have realized it anyway. He's so old, he must wear adult-diapers by now." Said Pepper nonchalantly, which made everyone laugh.

Aziraphale and Anathema resumed their prophecy discussion inside while the children and demon stayed out in the yard. Crowley promised to play properly this time and to not run off if he got bored.

~~~~~

"Bloody bakers can't do anything right!" Exclaimed the demon, growling as he frantically searched all the boxes by the tables where the caterers were setting up.

"What happened now?" Asked Madame Tracy as she entered the room again, hoping Crowley wasn't having another groomzilla moment. Yesterday's was enough, in her opinion. Never had she seen anyone so upset over the inner lining of a jacket being off by half a centimeter.

Crowley was seething. "I can't find the bloody cake-topper! Everything else was shipped but I can't find **that**! Aziraphale's going to be devastated if that isn't on top of our wedding cake in the photos!" His rage seemed to throw him off balance when he took a step back.

Tracy jogged up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him. "Calm down, dearie. We'll find it. I'm sure it's just mixed in there somewhere with the other decorations. Why don't you go yell at the flowers or something, hmm?"

The original tempter let out a huff, grumbled something under his breath and left the main reception area. Tracy immediately started tearing through the boxes and other packages which had not been opened yet. She knew he was right. And if there was one thing she wanted to deal with even **less** than Crowley's anger, it would be Aziraphale's disappointment.

She had all the venue staff searching for the little ceramic figurines within minutes. Even the children pitched in the search, but it was hopeless. It must've gotten lost along the way or was still at the bakery. If it was the latter, they truly were in a predicament, because the bakery had just closed. Both grooms had vehemently agreed: no miracles on their wedding day (or night, no matter what, unless it was a matter of discorporation or death). Hence the Serpent of Eden's frustration. This could easily be solved by a miracle, but he had promised. Aziraphale could always sense Crowley's magic and viceversa. Not to mention, the angel knew when his other half was lying about something.

Regrettably, Tracy needed to tell Crowley that the cake-topper was, in fact, nowhere to be found and a replacement was impossible to get at this hour. The demon was still throwing a fit elsewhere. It's Adam and Warlock who go fetch him since they're obviously his favorite humans and he wouldn't direct his anger at them. And that's exactly what happened when they told him the news.

Having no one to insult, the demon shrunk down to the size of a thimble and started attacking a bouquet of roses which was in the box labelled "extras". He was mauling them really, tearing off the petals with his teeth, breaking the stems by furiously stomping on them, twisting the leaves before yanking them off. Yup, it was a **very** smart move sending in the boys to tell him. During this botanical massacre, a lightbulb seemed to go off in Adam's head. He whispered his idea into Warlock's ear before dashing out of the room.

About ten minutes passed and Adam came back, with Azirpahale following closely behind. The angel saw petals and other flowery bits and pieces fly out of the "extras" box in waves. He already knew who was making that mess.

"Crowley..." Began the principality, sounding like a parent about to scold their child.

The box immediately stopped moving, as did the demon's incoherent mumblings of rage. The redhead grew a bit to peek over the top of the box. The boys couldn't tell wether he was scared of getting in trouble or of Aziraphale's reaction to this whole situation. Noting how his fiancé didn't seem keen on changing back, Aziraphale shrank and joined him in the box full of rose remains.

It took a moment for him to convince Crowley that he wasn't upset about the whole cake-topper fiasco. Eventually, he talked the snake out of the box and went on with Adam's plan. The former son of Satan posed the angel and the demon on top of the wedding cake, wings and all, and had the photographer snap a few pictures of it. The idea being: the photos would be edited to look like they were on the cake (tiny) and cutting it (their normal selves) at the same time. That would be Adam's wedding present to them.

Thanks to this, both grooms were able to enjoy their special day to the fullest. And if it meant making his angel happy, Crowley would gladly change in size on the regular just to brighten up his husband's existence.


End file.
